Fandalf the Fabulously Fuchsia
by LaInsanoid
Summary: The Balrog has brought out Gandalf's alternate personality. How will the Fellowship cope? First Fanfic
1. Fandalf has arrived

The Balrog has brought out Gandalf's alternate personality. What will happen to the remainder of the Fellowship when they meet him?

Disclaimer: Leggy-kins is mine! My own! MY PRECIOUS! Oh damn, he's not.

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Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn stared in awe as the white blob transformed into Gandalf.

"Is that you, Gandalf?" asked Aragorn.

'Yes, it is I, Gandalf, but now the White!" Gandalf exclaimed, showing off his fancy robes.

"I'm so glad you're back!" Legolas exclaimed and hugged him. And then Gandalf was enveloped in a white glow again. The glow turned cream, then pink, and then fuchsia. It then formed the shape of Gandalf again, but clothed in pink and with a pink beard.

"Gandalf?" Gimli questioned cautiously.

"No, like, it's, like, Fandalf the Fabulously Fuchsia, like!" the now-Fandalf screamed in a distinctly fangirl-y voice. "OMG, it's, like, Legolas! I love you, just look!" he screeched again and ripped open his robes to reveal an "I love Legolas" t-shirt. Legolas squealed in fear and hid behind Gimli.

"What will we do?" Aragorn said as he cowered before the power of fandom.

"Kill it before it lays eggs!" one of the trees suggested. Everyone nodded seriously.

"Sword, axe, or bow and arrows?" Gimli listed the weapons they could utilize in murdering Fandalf. "Personally, the idea of pushing him off Orthanc seems the most appealing, but we'd have to get him there first."

"Ooh! Can I watch you killing whatever you're talking about?" Fandalf squealed in excitement.

"Let's tie him up! And we can gag him too, so he'll shut up!" Legolas was all too eager to get away from Fandalf.

"'Kay," Aragorn grunted as he threw down the fan-powered monstrosity. And then Fandalf glowed again, and a few seconds later, they saw that the true Gandalf was back.

"Is that really you?" Aragorn asked again.

"Yes, it is really me now," sighed Gandalf in a pained voice. "I was going to warn you, but Legolas just had to hug me," he added, sending a hostile glare towards Legolas.

"Warn us from what?" Gimli spoke up.

"The ultimate evil: my alternate personality. See, when the Balrog scorched me, the heat somehow didn't burn my beard, but instead spit my mind in two. Unfortunately, the Fandalf side got a good deal of Pippin-esque behaviour from my memories. When someone touches me, Fandalf is free and becomes a fan of whoever freed him. Oh, woe is me," Gandalf said. "The good thing is, we can use him as a weapon against Saruman and Sauron, who above all fear and loathe fangirls."

They sighed collectively. This quest was going to become very long. And they hadn't even found the hobbits yet.

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What do you think? I'm looking for constructive criticism here. First fanfic, please R&R!


	2. Fedoras

Disclaimer: Tolkien stole it from us, we hates him, WE HATES THEM ALL! Not to be taken literally.

There are going to be time lapses between chapters because I like doing only the funny stuff.

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"We have arrived at Fedoras!" Gandalf exclaimed. "This is the home of the fedora obsession of Rohan. Beware: the people in black fedoras are" here he lowered his voice, _"feds." _

_"_Aaah! Feds!" Gimli shouted.

"Aaah! Fedoras!" Legolas screamed.

"Gimli. why are you scared of the feds?" Aragorn asked.

"Stole a few gems from over in Osgiliath a few decades ago," Gimli admitted sheepishly. "You should be asking Legolas why he's afraid of fedoras."

"Legolas?" Aragorn turned to the elf.

"They are just so unfashionable that all people who wear them are scarily stupid to me," Legolas blushed. " Those hats are monstrosities!"

"Okay, shut up about your nonsensical phobias and let's go!" Gandalf said grumpily. " Open up!" he shouted to the guard in the watchtower. "We have come to see King Théoden!"

"No," the guard replied. "I am under orders not to let any strangers in."

"We have the power of fangirls!" the remainder of the Fellowship called out in unison. That did the trick. The guard whimpered in fear as he opened the gate.

"Please, don't set the fangirls on me!" he sobbed as the man, wizard, elf and dwarf rode into the city.

The king's guard stopped them at the entrance to the Golden Hall. "No-one enters the Hall of Meduseld armed! Drop your weapons!" Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli dropped their weapons.

"I need this staff to walk," Gandalf said. The guard opened his mouth to object, but Gandalf cut in. "Even if you take this magic stick thing from me, we still wield a weapon that cannot be removed."

"What is it?"

"You don't want to know!" Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli chorused.

"Coming from three such noble men... elves... dwarves... people, I am sure that this staff is barely a child's toy. You may enter," the guard said. "I am going to be in major trouble for this," he added under his breath.

As they walked in, the king's niece, Éowyn, checked out each of the visitors in turn. "Ooh, short funny dwarf," she thought as Gimli tripped when he was walking past her. "Ooh, tall stylish elf," she thought as Legolas walked past with visible confidence. "Ooh, ninja magician," she thought as Gandalf's robes swept up the layers of grime off the floor. "Ooooooh, finally a cool guy that's actually the same species as me. Wonder if he's single," she wondered heir to the throne of Gondor walked by in giant strides.

"Lucky you," Aragorn smiled as he playfully punched Gandalf, forgetting about the perils of it for a moment. "You get to keep your - uh-oh," he was cut off by a fangirly shriek.

"Hi, I, like, love, like, you, Aragorn! Look!" here Fandalf ripped open his robes to show an "I love Aragorn" t-shirt.

"How many of those do you think he has?" Legolas whispered to Gimli, pointing at the shirt. The dwarf mumbled back, "Probably one for each of us. Fear for your life, my friend".

Then Éowyn joined in. "I love Aragorn too! Let's make a fanclub!" She took out a set of blank badges and a permanent marker and a minute later, she and Fandalf were squealing in joy at their matching "I love Aragorn" badges.

"Hi new friendzie, I'll introduce you to my uncle and we can have sleep-overs to gossip about Aragorn!"

"Hello, King Théo-something! I'm your FAAAN!" Fandalf said.

"Aaah! Get me away from this horror!" the voice of Saruman screeched through the body of Théoden. The disembodied ghost of the wizard floated through the roof and flew towards Orthanc.

"Take me with you!" Gríma squealed and ran out the door.

Legolas and Gimli got themselves together and started comforting Aragorn, who was rocking back and and forth on the ground with his thumb in his mouth and Éowyn stuck on his back.

"There, there," Legolas patted Aragorn on the back, "she'll get off someday."

"What does he have to do for you to get off?" Gimli asked Éowyn. The Shieldmaiden tapped her cheek expectantly.

"I can't do that! That's cheating on Arwen!" Aragorn wailed.

"Fine, be stuck with her for the rest of your life," Gimli grunted. Aragorn quickly gave Éowyn a peck on the cheek, and the girl skipped off towards Fandalf, who was trying to revive Théoden by wailing "I'm your FAAAN!"

"Want to have a sleepover so we can gooooooooosssiiiiiiiiiiiip?" Éowyn asked the wizard.

"Sure," Fandalf replied, squealing in joy. Éowyn kicked her uncle in the stomach and the king of Rohan jolted awake.

"Who's attacking?" he bellowed.

"Uncle! Can I have a sleepover?" Éowyn squeaked.

"Oh. Sure," Théoden calmed down and went back to fighting off the remainders of Saruman.

"Yay!" screamed Éowyn and Fandalf in deafening unison. They grabbed each other's forearms to do a joy dance, but then Gandalf returned.

"What the hell am I doing?" he asked the rest. The chorus of "It was Fandalf" explained it all to him. They woke up Théoden again, got Éowyn out of the room and started talking seriously.

-When they were leaving-

"Gimli, you are under arrest for armed robbery!" a guard with a black fedora shouted as they were leaving the Golden Hall.

"Dammit," the dwarf grunted. The group mounted Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Mi Amora Cadenza* and got ready to run away, but then King Théoden arrived and degraded the guard to an errand-boy for trying to arrest one of the warriors that were going to help them.

"No one hurts Aragorn and his friends!" Éowyn's shriek could be heard from Meduseld.

*My Little Pony characters. Friendship is Magic!

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Sorry for the long wait. It's been taking me ages to type this because of my mom not wanting me to have such "nonsense" on my laptop. I have plenty of ideas, just limited time to write! Also, might be posting a few drabbles soon. Typing them up as soon as I can. Buh-bye!


	3. High-Heels Deep

My apologies for being so late updating. I have an extensive list of reasons (five to be exact), but I'm not gonna waste time listing them.

Also, I have recently been too busy to steal any copyrights. Especially ones from New Line Cinemas.

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Aragorn sighed. They were losing. Especially since this was High-Heels Deep, and that meant that they were all obeying the tradition of wearing heels into battle. Legolas, being an elf, was graceful, or even more graceful than usual, if that was even possible. Gimli was inventive and stuck the shoes to his wrists for whacking orcs with the stiletto heels. Aragorn himself had somehow hid and got away from the horror. The warriors of Rohan obviously hadn't been at High-Heels Deep for generations, because they were all tripping and falling. The orcs, on the other hand, had gotten rollerblades (obviously foul craft of Saruman). Suddenly, a pink glow appeared over the horizon.

"Hi orcsies! Prepare to die!" Fandalf screamed. The orcs fled, trying to run in the rollerblades. And failing. That in turn gave the Rohirrim enough time to get up and walk over their faces in six inch stilettos. Aragorn got over to Éomer to ask him how they switched on Fandalf.

"Long story," Éomer grunted, slicing the head off a stray orc. "I brushed off him while I was maneuvering my horse around, he changed into this pink light-bulb and tried to hug me, I told him to go away and kill some orcs, and then he said something along the lines of 'Anything for you' and that's how we got here. Can you tell me what's up with him?"

"I'll explain later, now go and whack him again, you dumbass Thor wannabe!" Aragorn commanded Éomer, desperate to stop the essence of pinkness slowly spreading over the battlefield.

"I am not a Thor wannabe! It's Thor that's an Éomer wannabe!" Éomer shot back at Aragorn, but still obeyed the instruction. The orcs were spilling their limited edition peach and apricot Fanta everywhere, and running away from Fandalf, who was squealing incoherently every time he managed to whack anyone, friend or foe. Unsurprisingly, he soon became the target of an unbelievable amount of "WTF" looks. Finally, one of the orcs got up with the help of a pile of his friends' carcasses and rollerbladed over to Fandalf.

"Begone, foul beast!" the orc roared and attempted to pull Fandalf off Princess Celestia. The true Gandalf whacked the orc with his staff and balanced himself on the Alicorn.

* * *

"Okay, what was going on with Mr. Glo-stick over here?" Éomer demanded after the battle.

"That was Fandalf, Mithrandir's alternate personality," Legolas explained. "He appears whenever someone touches him and becomes a fan of whoever switched him on."

"Oh, why did I not murder him when I had the chance and an excuse to do so?" Éomer wailed in despair, falling to his knees.

"We all regret the same thing, my friend," Gimli patted the human on the back consolingly.

"Hey, how do you think _I_ feel? I have to deal with this in first-person point of view!" Gandalf shouted, clearly cracked from all the insane giggling he'd done earlier on that day.

"We all feel sorry for you, now shut up," Aragorn said. "Time to go to Isengard!"

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Please remind me of any spelling mistakes. I'm pedantic about that sort of thing. I know this chapter is short, but I'm planning on uploading two more over the Christmas break. And I apologise again for my lateness. #WAFFLES!


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